i decided it was time to start afresh. new name, new site, new format. (along with: new town, new house, and new attempt at new degree) so, after trying to resuscitate the livejournal of yore, i couldn't muster more than a paragraph, and i begin anew.
quick recap:
three months after finishing graduate school, i've come to the realization that i do *not* want to be a teacher and i was only lying to myself (and everyone i've encountered in the past two years--except perhaps my fellow grad students. i'm pretty sure i made my misery known to you. sorry.) instead, i'm throwing responsibility and rationality to the wind and returning to school (driving an hour to do it, i might add) to earn my MLIS and become a librarian. for those of you who have known me for years, i expect the reaction of others: why the fuck didn't you do this in the first place. this is perfect for you.
in response: i don't know. i should have.
for each month that i've spent unemployed (though not for a lack of trying) and searching for myself, matt has experienced one working day of unemployment, having been laid off last thursday. he was offered another job today, and starts work again on monday. i'm ecstatic that he found a comparable job so quickly--especially considering my life is entirely dependent on his ability to provide for my worthless self--but can you blame me for secretly being a tad pissed that everything comes so easily for him? to him, it's almost as if he's now proven his point that i must not be trying hard enough. i think he knows better, after countless bouts of lifeless depression upon mention of said subject, than to bring this up, but i know he thinks it. it it makes me seethe.
tomorrow, we go to mobile/orange beach to celebrate and experience our first "spring break" (note: neither of us are actually in school. neither of us have experienced this infamous rite of passage thanks to the even more infamous--to those in the know--"spring training.")
on a happier note, i've completely given myself over to oft-worthless young adult fiction, even stooping to a "twi-likes" list, sent by sarah, as a source of inspiration. the escape is bliss, but i feel like i might be rotting my brain, to a certain extent; or at least reverting to a younger version of myself that i skipped by reading victorian novels instead. i rationalize this by considering it research: i'd like to focus on children/ya literacy and either work in that dept. in a public library or work in a middle school library (swoon). part of me feels like i should be trying for some intellectual stimulation (i.e. finishing midnight's children, which seester lent me back in december) but instead i'm rereading twilight for the 10,000th time. (stephenie meyer, you might be ruining my life, but i thank you for it. and. further proof of the saga haunting my very existence: commercial for shitty-yet-enthralling-movie-version just came on tv. again. while matt is watching happy gilmore on e! ? right.)
on to packing. (ugh.)
About the job, Matt doesn't understand, and that's okay. He's doing something he loves; you were looking for a job in an area that doesn't make you particularly happy. He has experience in his field. You don't. He had connections in his field. You didn't. Whatever. Congrats to him on the new job. Congrats to you on the new direction. It's about time. :)
ReplyDeleteI spent two years after undergrad putzing around Austin trying to figure out what I really wanted before I went back to school. You're allowed this awkward transition into adulthood. It's okay.
And if I haven't mentioned it before, I'm jealous that you're going back to school for your MLIS--an unfinished dream of mine. Young adult literature is the BEST! You should complement that with a part-time job at the library, the bookstore, or with some place book related. It will save you money when you have required books to read.
At that, welcome to the world of blogging.